When you really need a good Shakespearean insult – for memos, client meetings, discussions with neighbors etc., simply combine one word from each of the three columns below, and preface it with “Thou.”

Example: “Thou reeky, toad-spotted pignut.” (All phrases 100% guaranteed Shakespearean, or your money back.)

artless ........................base-court.................apple-john

bawdy .......................bat-fowling................. baggage

beslubbering.............. beef-witted .................barnacle

bootless..................... beetle-headed .............bladder

churlish...................... boil-brained................. boar-pig

cockered................... clapper-clawed ............bugbear

clouted...................... clay-brained .................bum-bailey

craven....................... common-kissing ...........canker-blossom

currish....................... crook-pated................. clack-dish

dankish...................... dismal-dreaming ...........clotpole

dissembling................ dizzy-eyed ....................coxcomb

droning....................... dog hearted.................. codpiece

errant......................... dread-bolted................ death-token

fawning....................... earth-vexing .................dewberry

fobbing........................ elf-skinned ...................flap-dragon

froward........................ fat-kidneyed ................flax-wench

frothy........................... fen-sucked ...................flirt-gill

gleeking....................... flap-mouthed................. foot-licker

goatish .........................fly-bitten ........................fustilarian

gorbellied .....................folly-fallen ......................giglet

impertinent.................... fool-born....................... gudgeon

infectious....................... full-gorged..................... haggard

jarring........................... guts-griping..................... harpy

loggerheaded................ half-faced........................ hedge-pig

lumpish......................... hasty-witted..................... horn-beast

mammering.................... hedge-born..................... hugger-mugger

mangled......................... hell-hated....................... joithead

mewling......................... idle-headed..................... lewdster

paunchy......................... ill-breeding...................... lout

pribbling......................... ill-nurtured...................... maggot-pie

puking............................ knotty-pated................... malt-worm

puny.............................. milk-livered...................... mammet

qualling........................... motley-minded................ measle

rank............................... onion-eyed...................... minnow

reeky.............................. plume-plucked................ miscreant

roguish............................ pottle-deep..................... moldwarp

ruttish.............................. pox-marked................... mumble-news

saucy............................... reeling-ripe..................... nut-hook

spleeny............................ rough-hewn..................... pigeon-egg

spongy............................. rude-growing.................. pignut

surly................................. rump-fed........................ puttock

tottering............................ shard-borne................... pumpion

unmuzzled......................... sheep-biting.................... ratsbane

vain................................... spur-galled..................... scut

venomed........................... swag-bellied................... skainsmate

villainous............................ tardy-gaited................... strumpet

warped.............................. tickle-brained................. varlet

wayward............................ toad-spotted.................. vassal

weedy................................ unchin-snouted............... whey-face

yeasty................................ weather-bitten................. wagtail